


Would I Lie To You?

by yanderekirklandchan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers - Freeform, Depression, Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki's mouth sewn shut, Loki-centric, M/M, Multi, Self Harm, Stark Tower, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:13:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yanderekirklandchan/pseuds/yanderekirklandchan
Summary: (Set after Avengers Assemble and Thor TDW) Not happy with the harsh way Loki is being punished, Thor convinces Odin to send Loki to Earth to teach him the error of his ways like he did with Thor. Loki ends up living at Stark tower with some not-so-happy Avengers. But if Loki was only in solitary confinement then why is he so broken? Can the Avengers learn to live with the god? Was Loki really responsible for the Chitauri attack? And most importantly, how is anyone supposed to known when or when not to trust the god of lies? Warning contains: depressing themes, mental illness,lots of gayness, probably gonna have smut, angst, fluff, frostiron and possibly some other ships. Although it's angety imma try make it sweet af and have a happy ending!





	1. World of pain

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya idk if you've read any of my other works or you're new and don't care. You probably aren't even reading this, who reads authors notes? Well consider me talking to myself. I know I've got another few stories and no I'm not giving up on them not at all, I'm still in the process of writing new chapters. But yeah I'm starting this which is my first Marvel fic so please comment what you think since I'm new and really don't know. But yeah I'm trying my best and I hope you enjoy :3

“Hello, brother.” Thor said in a tone he hoped was optimistic and with an attempt at his royal sunshine smile that probably came off more like gritted teeth. He grimaced at the way his voice shook and for some reason behind him he couldn’t get the stiffness out of his posture no matter how hard he tried. Why? Why was it so hard to visit his own brother? Why did Loki always give him that betrayed, suspicious look every time he entered to visit him, couldn’t he just visit Loki? He was his brother after all. And most of all, why was Loki correct and the only times he ever visited was when he was here for a specific purpose?  
*******  
Pain. Pain, pain, pain, it was funny how if you said a word enough times it lost its meaning, whether you said it in your head or out loud. And in fact after a while of screaming in your head and out loud but neither getting any response or reaction and both sounding so loudloudLOUD to you then you forgot how to tell the difference between whether you were speaking or thinking. In fact everything started to fade into nothingness, lines blurring, shapes changing. He didn’t know if he could tell anything for certain anymore.

But back to the pain. What did pain mean anymore anyway? It had become Loki’s world. It was so many things to him now. It was the loathed thing he despised and knew was coming when the figures appeared outside his cell, he would try to back away, his chains and the walls stopping him as he begged and screamed for the bringers of pain to have mercy.

It was a welcome ally that helped him fill the empty darkness with something, something inside the endlessness. Something to hold onto, a companion he could welcome with open arms and laugh. It was a friend to him, when the bringers of pain didn’t come but the pain still pounded inside his head he would call for his friend pain and it would always come for him, it would never desert him, never leave him alone as Loki used his nails, his teeth, the surfaces of his cell to call for him and his friend was there, making all the pain disappear by bringing more pain.

It was what kept him going, kept him alive and yet kept him from living. When he was starving and his stomach was empty of anything but acid, pain was there, filling him to the brim until he was full and didn’t need to fill himself with food. Every breath he took filled him with pain, passing through his throat and burning in his lungs. Pain was everywhere, in his mind, when me moved, when he slept, when he woke, cried, laughed, gave up, fought, dreamt, hoped it was everything. That’s what pain was, everything. A brilliant, terrible force that was there and always would be and Loki had no right to question it.

Loki almost laughed to himself, and maybe he did he didn’t know, this wasn’t good enough! This sentence, this punishment. He was supposed to think about what he’d done but didn’t they see the pain was stopping him from doing so? He had to take it into his own hands, he had to make a massive conscious effort to think about all the evil, unforgivable things he had done. It would have been so easy for him to just become a slave of the pain and that would give him peace. Free you from freedom, he thought and let out a hysterical laugh in his head that echoed through the room.

It wasn’t enough to just think of what he remembered doing because he didn’t witness the extent of the damage he had caused, he didn’t see every person he had hurt or killed, every home he had destroyed. Every life he had torn apart. And so he used his magic to play like a tape in his mind every single death, every injury, every piece of damage. It showed him the ongoing pain that continued far past the death of a loved one, it showed him the horror of having to live with a terrible injury and abilities snatched away, it showed him the millions spent trying to give people their homes back. And most of all it showed him the hate, anger, disgust and so many more horrible but justified feelings directed at the single man who was responsible for all this destruction. Him. It was all him.

With his magic… oh yes, he had his magic. Even though he had been sentenced to have his magic taken away he still had it. The fools, didn’t they know that they can’t take his magic away without killing him? It was him. It was like draining one of his brother’s precious mortals of their blood, it keeps them alive, it is them and they cannot live without it. They couldn’t take away Loki’s magic, death was too easy. Too swift and merciful, no matter how horrid they made the execution, for a monster like him.

That’s why this punishment was chosen for him. At first he had felt so angry, so betrayed by the only family he’d ever had that they would let this happen to him without even visiting him once, they hadn’t even looked affected in any way as he was pulled screaming and fighting down into what was surely his tomb. Buried alive, he was buried alive, he couldn’t breath, the soil was getting in and he couldn’t breath or see in the darkness, he couldn’t move with the casket so tight around him. Somebody help…! But he was still there in the white cell with its glowing walls. How silly his mind was, playing pranks on him. He used to play pranks on people, was this how they’d felt?

He had been so angry and betrayed by his family but now he was grateful. They’d let him see! They’d let him see what a monster he was, how evil and worthless and unloved he was. And he was so grateful, he was finally free of the lies. Of the lies that they all told him, that he was loved, that he was Thor’s equal, that he was a part of the family, a brother a son. He was relieved that the lies were gone and he was here in his cell with his pain and the revelation of truth now that his family had decided to stop lying to him.

They never visited. Odin, Thor, mother… oh. He mentally added his mo- his not-mother to the list of the people he’d killed. He let out a laugh and a desperate sob before a sneer. He then collapsed back against the floor. He wondered how many minutes had passed since he started the train if thought. Maybe no time at all had passed since he had first been chucked in here, maybe centuries had passed and his cell was lost and forgotten. Did it matter how much time had passed when he was going to be here for eternity?

Someone was coming. Loki’s eyes snapped open. When you spent so long with the exact same surroundings and nothing else, you could tell if something had or was changing. So yes, someone was definitely coming. A whimper escaped Loki’s lips before he could bite it back. The only people who ever came were the pain bringers, the bringers of pain with their devices of pain that would make Loki scream and feel new extents of agony he hadn’t known to exist. But he steeled himself and kept from showing any emotion, staying in his position propped up against the wall.

It was… who was it? A bringer of pain? It could have been and yet no more pain came. In fact, some pain disappeared as this… man, he was almost certain it was a man, removed something from above his head. And then he started to move closer. Loki’s eyes went wide and he started to panic, backing away but there was nowhere left to move to. The man ran a hand over Loki’s lips which caused the young prince to wince in pain but also become aware that his lips where closed and there was something on them… he frowned as he tried to think back but there was nothing in his memories but pain.

There was a metallic swish and Loki’s heart started to pound as he saw the man was carrying a knife, he whimpered but the sound was muddled by his closed lips. He felt a small victory at finally knowing all the screaming must have been in his head since his lips are blocked but this came with an added confusion of what was blocking his lips, when it got there and why it hurt. The man walked closer and brought his knife closer, it triggered more memories of pain which made Loki screw his eyes shut.

They snapped back open as pain flared in his flesh, the knife cutting through the end of whatever was blocking his mouth and the skin around it too. The man with the knife held onto the end of something, was that string? And started to pull. When he did Loki started thrashing wildly in his restraints. It hurt, it hurt more than he could handle, more than he could take and the man wasn’t stopping. Couldn’t he see he was hurting him? Why won’t he stop! Loki would beg but no sound was escaping. He knew he must be crying as the pain kept on increasing and another weird sensation, like bugs crawling beneath his skin, blended with the pain.

…And then it stopped. Not the pain, that never stopped, but the weird sensation stopped, so did the man’s pulling of the thing he could now see was definitely string. Loki eyed it with horror, that had been what was binding his skin? But how had… his thoughts were cut off as a memory came back. Him tied down to a table screaming and begging but none of the many people around him were listening. It was agony but the more the needle dipped in and out of the delicate flesh around his lips the less he could scream. The horror and panic that refused to go away after they had finished and he couldn’t move his lips. The blood streaming down his face.

With a gasp Loki was brought back to the present. He looked around but the man with the knife was gone and he was alone again. A gasp? Yes, he could move his lips again! He tested the new found ability, grimacing when it made the pain increase. Someone else was coming, Loki noted with a frown. Who this time? We’re they coming to sew his lips back closed?

The door opened for a second time and he had to fight his impulse to sneer, it was Thor. He didn’t know why he had this reaction. He had come to terms with his ‘family’s betrayal and decided it was for the best and that he must thank them so why did he want to lash out? “Hello, brother.” The relief at a change of scenery and the sound waves emitted from something other than himself that felt like music to his ears all turned bitter at the words. Brother? Lies! The lies were back, was that why Thor was here? To torment him more? But then of course he was here for that. That’s all Loki was now, not a prince, not the son of the King of the frost giants but a monster, an inhuman beast that was only alive for the purpose of being tortured for his sins. Loki felt like laughing and maybe it was a sign that there was still a little left of the man he used to be that he bit this back, not wanting the humiliation of Thor seeing how broken he was.  
*******  
Thor frowned as he took in his little brother’s appearance. He was certainly thinner than he could remember ever seeing Loki before. His eyes were vacant and lacked the intelligence and mischievous sparkle that made those ice blue-green eyes his brother’s. Loki had always been pale but his skin that usually resembled delicate porcelain now, combined with his protruding bones, made him look skeletal. Although what worried him the most was Loki’s complete lack in response and the way he appeared to have given up. For the first time since Thor had properly considered this plan was he fully sure of himself.

He thought back to when he had approached his father about it. Naturally when Loki had gotten the sentence of solitary confinement in the deepest parts of Asgard prison with no human contact whatsoever for the rest of his days he had been horrified. He kept trying to convince himself that his brother deserved it but he just couldn’t, no one deserved that! And ever since he had been thrown in there, Thor had been trying to come up with a way he could either help Loki escape or convince his father to change his punishment. Plans had always been Loki’s thing so he probably had taken a lot longer than his younger brother would have had the positions been changed.

How long had it been since Loki had gotten locked up? Years had passed, it was somewhere between the third and fourth now. The thought made Thor shiver with horror, nearly four years without human interaction whatsoever. But then of course Loki did deserve the punishment no matter how much it made Thor squirm. This is why he wasn’t a prison guard, he would never have the strength to condemn people to such fates. And he certainly couldn’t let this be the rest of his own brother’s life.

So it was with great enthusiasm that he had finally come up with a plan that may just work. He had thought out every detail, determined to have a contradiction and come back for every single thing that could come up. And with his head running through all the details and his nerves on edge Thor had gone to his father. He couldn’t help but think, on that walk from his private chambers to his father’s consulting rooms, that if his mother was still alive she would never have let Loki befall this fate. He had to mentally slap himself. Mother wasn’t alive and nothing he could do would change that.

Maybe she had been too soft on Loki anyway, maybe if she had disciplined him better and not let him get away with so much then Loki would be a bit less reckless and unruly. He mentally slapped himself again, no. This wasn’t Frigga’s fault, it wasn’t any of their faults. They all did their best by Loki and should not blame themselves for how things ended up, only do their best for Loki’s good still. And that’s what he intended to do.

“Father.” He had greeted, getting down on a knee in a low bow until he was beckoned forward to speak with him, it wouldn’t do any harm being as polite as he could before voicing his requests. “What is it, Thor.” Odin asked, looking at him with curiosity and a bit of apprehension. Thor gulped and bit his lip before starting to talk, it was now it never. “I… father, I can’t stand back and let Loki suffer this fate, I simply can’t!” Odin raised an eyebrow and in that moment Thor felt like the pressure of the nine nine realms was on his shoulders but he didn’t cave. This was for Loki, he had to do this.

“I know this is hard for you, Thor, as it is for me. He is our family after all. But do not forget what he has done, he cannot get favours just because of the status of his family. He must learn the wrong of his ways and he punished justly for his actions.” Thor bit his lip but continued “I know, father, and I am not proposing that he gets let or easily merely that he stops with the punishment he is currently undergoing. Solitary confinement for the rest of his existence,” was it Thor’s imagination or had Oren shifted slightly at those words? “Is neither called for nor a sufficient way of punishing Loki!”

Odin’s eyes narrowed “This punishment was given to Loki after a careful evaluation of all of his crimes as a way to best deal with him, you propose a better way of punishing him? I must remind you that this is not just a matter left to you and I and it’s not even confined to the laws of Asgard anymore, the idiot boy made his a matter for different planets too, Jötunheim, Earth. The people of Asgard will cause havoc if I let Loki go unpunished or of softly but the Frost Giants will cause war, the state of affairs is delicate enough.”

Thor was now very glad that he had thought this out as carefully as he did “I know, father, and I took this all into consideration. Solitary confinement is a good way to give someone time to think about their wrong doings and the errors in their ways but after a point it becomes repetitive and only becomes a type of torture and eventually insanity. By now, after almost four years time, Loki will have come to terms with it all as much as he is going to and no amount of time will increase this when it’s already reached a maximum.

“More time in solitary confinement now is pointless, to extend this he needs either a chance to prove he’s changed his ways and is sorry or to make things up with/face some of the people he has wronged the most or both these things even. And as you say, Loki made this a matter for not just Asgard. Sending him to be punished in Jötunheim would be execution and we have already decided against that. But he hasn’t faced any justice from the people of Earth despite the fact that it was there he commuted his crimes.”

With relief Thor could see Odin was starting to listen and be moved by his words. It greatly pained him every ill word he spoke of his dear brother but he couldn’t afford to be seen as trying to get Loki out of punishment. Although, was that not what he was doing? All Thor knew was he could not continue to live each day knowing that his brother was suffering unspeakable discomfort which he couldn’t begin to understand. But at least he hadn’t gotten a torture sentence, Thor thought to himself.

“So what is it that you propose, Thor? Since only you, me and Heimdale are witnessing this conversation I must admit that I really hope you have come up with a sentence that will not be so cruel but will still be as thorough, son.” Odin’s words brought a warmth and sort of relief to his heart knowing that Odin too didn’t like his youngest son’s fate despite the fact he appeared so cold towards it.

With a new round confidence and a creeping excitement he didn’t want to humour that he might actually succeed, Thor continued to speak his ideas “I think it would be wise in all areas that must be considered in this situation that Loki is handed into the hands of the Midguardians. Of course, normal human law forces would be no match for Loki but being confined in a cell again would have the same effect as him remaining here.

“Therefore, I propose he is left in the hands of the Midguardian group ‘the Avengers’ of which I am a part of when required of me. They were themselves greatly affected by Loki’s attack and were the main role in apprehending him. Due to this they can both handle Loki and deserve to be delayed by Loki. Loki may live in their current residence ‘Stark Tower’ where he can display to us his changed ways and pay back to them in the ways they deem fit what he is indebted to them. I can be present there to be sure of Loki’s safety from them and their safety from Loki as well as witnessing first hand his new ways. If he proves not changed by displaying violence he and I cannot justify then he can either be punished in some way or put back in solitary confinement for a length of time before he once again has to display if his ways are changed.” He looked up hopefully after finishing.

Odin sighed then chuckled “You really have thought this out well. Despite what you may think you will make a good King, Thor, and I am very proud of the way you have handled this situation.” He was silent for a moment as he considered, and in that one moment Thor felt more desperate than he had ever done in his life “Alright, I accept this and hereby change Loki’s sentence.” Thor let out a breath of relief and felt almost high but Odin was quick to continue “However, if Loki does not show that he has changed his ways then he will be punished severely and I cannot change that. You understand the responsibility that lays upon you, Thor?” Thor nodded eagerly “Yes, father, I do and I accept it.” Odin nodded “Very well, you may go collect your brother. You have until the end of sunrise tomorrow to collect Loki and gather both of your belongings and get ready in general.

“Oh, and Thor,” He paused from where he was starting to walk away and looked back at his father “I expect that once every week, it matters not the day, both you and Loki come back for at least an hour to Asgard to report how things have been and also so that you do not become alienated from your own people and their ways. Come to me tomorrow before you leave, I wish to bid you farewell and wish you both luck.”

Thor nodded with a smile at his father “Yes, father.” He said before turning and walking directly down to Loki, hoping very much that he did not mess this final chance up. And that’s how he found himself now standing, observing his younger brother wondering how he was supposed to tell him all this and how he would take it.  
*******  
Odin fell back in his chair after he watched his son leave, running a weary hand over his face. How had it all gone to Hel so quickly? Thor’s words still rang through his ears ‘solitary confinement for the rest of his existence’ oh if only the sentence he had given his son had been so soft, if only the people would have been sated with such a mild punishment. “Guard.” He called and a guard walked into the room instantly “Go down to the deepest prison vaults and free the prisoner of his bonds as well as making sure no one is going down there today. My son is going to retrieve the prisoner.” As the guard left Odin could only hope that Loki’s cell was cleared before Thor arrived.


	2. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has read, commented and/or left kudos! Your encouragement and support means a lot :3 here's another one as a thank you!

It took all the strength, physically and mentally, Loki could muster to use his magic to shield his injured state from Thor. He didn’t think he couldn’t take the fool getting all protective and noble on him. Or worse, Loki didn’t want to see Thor accept how hurt and broken he was because, although he knew that Thor no longer cared for his Jötun runt not-brother, Loki didn’t think he could take the final proof that he was truly alone and unloved and deserved everything he got and more.  
*******  
By now Thor had become accustomed to Loki’s variation of contradictions against being called ‘brother’ by Thor so when it didn’t come, he was definitely shocked and then concerned. He masked his alarm with a fake offended mask “Do you hate me so much you won’t even talk to me, brother?” He had meant the comment as a light hearted sentence starter but since Loki didn’t contradict him, he didn’t even react at all, it stung. Did he really not care for him anymore?

Moving on quickly “You could at least pretend to be happy in here, it’s not like you have to endure my ‘idiotic’ presence often.” Still no response. Thor knew it was unwise to purposefully bait his brother, even though he was bound and caged, but Loki’s lack of response was starting to get to Thor far worse than if Loki had glared and shouted abuse. Loki was ‘silver tongue’ the lie-smith, his silence was plain unnerving.

He supposed with this comment he had also been trying to start to approach the subject of Loki’s change in sentence. Thor sighed, now that he was not as ignorant as he had been in his youth he realised how ill he was fitted to the throne. It would be all hard decisions and trying to sell people ideas that they didn’t like and it was much easier in the life he’d made for himself on Midguard.

That was another thing that encouraged Thor that this was the right thing for Loki. If the brutal Asgardian form of punishment worked for Loki then he wouldn’t be like this after so long, for he had already had his fair share of punishments by the law in the past.

Midguard had different methods and view points and a far better grasp of what Jane had called ‘psychology’. He had been quite alarmed when she had explained that ‘mental illness’ was like the wounds they may get from battles and the sickness they might get on long quests except within someone’s head instead of being physically detectable and she was certain, along with the others, that his little brother had this ailment of the head.

It made him uncomfortable, the idea that his brother might be grievously injured or fatally sick and he wouldn’t be able to tell. But Jane had been quick to assure him in his distress that just because mental illness wasn’t physical didn’t mean it didn’t have physical signs and affects or ways to help. Thor had definitely not given up on his little brother, not even close.

People looked upon him with a mixture of pity and as if he were crazy for still trying. But it was much better than how they looked and spoke of Loki. That was only with cold loathing and disgust and it shocked Thor immensely for he knew if he had tried to take over a different planet he would not have been treated so harshly and in some instances he may have even been congratulated for his effort.

It made him think about all the times Loki had brought up in the passing some smoothed over complaint about the way he was treated by everyone but his mother and Thor. He had never taken Loki seriously all those times and had just regarded him as a whining child who was jealous that he wasn’t as popular as his big brother.

But now? Now Thor was finally realising how blind he had been. Loki had never had the joyous upbringing that Thor thought fondly back upon. Quite the contrary in fact since Loki appeared to have only been abandoned and wronged. Thor felt immense guilt when it came to his brother, he couldn’t help but feel as if he were to blame for all the crimes he had done. If he had been a better brother then he was sure his brother wouldn’t have gone down this dark path he was now stuck in.

It was too late to change what he had done, or rather had failed to do, in his youth but by Ragnarok he was going to be there for Loki forever more! And he truly believed that Loki would return to being his innocent, sweet little trickster brother if he had the right help.But it wasn’t going to be easy to help if Loki insisted on this uncalled for silence.

“Brother- Loki,” he corrected, not wanting to annoy the other man when he was already going to be on questionable grounds in trying to sell Loki the idea of going to Earth. Now he thought about it would Loki actually prefer being on Midguard rather than being in solitary confinement? Not only would he be on a planet that was not Asgard, his home, but he would be with a species he probably regarded as primitive and savage and that probably currently hated him.

Thor shook his head as if the physical movement could ward off his thoughts. Whether or not Loki would be stubborn this was for his own good! And Thor knew that so there was no reason for him to feel guilty. He realised he had paused in his speech and started again.

“Brother I am here to take you to your quarters. We will only be there temporarily and must be ready to leave Asgard indefinitely by the rise of the sun. You shall not be returning to these cells unless you commit an additional offence, which I believe you to be too intelligent to do. We will be going to Midguard for the foreseeable future, I shall explain to you more your situation in your bedroom or tomorrow, these prison cells are ghastly!”

Thor stood and looked at his brother, wondering if he was going to respond in any way. Loki’s face contoured and Thor looked in a combination of relief and excitement as he opened his mouth to talk. “You are coming to my quarters?” Loki’s voice felt like water in a desert and Thor revelled in the relief that flooded him.

Just like his brother that out of all he’d said it was THAT he chose to question. Thor took the lack of complaint or disgust about him saying they would be residing in Midguard as very positive sign. There was something strange, though. Something about Loki’s voice that was off but he couldn’t pin it. His lips were moving and that was undeniably his brother’s voice but something reminded him of those Midguarding ‘television’s. Thor just brushed it off as hearing Loki’s voice after so many years.

“Yes, brother, I will be accompanying you to your quarters. Those who do not trust you have a guard for you, if you need medical assistance you can come to me and most importantly we can have some well needed family bonding time!” He exclaimed, pulling Loki into a bone crushing hug. He had wondered into his cell as he explained the change in sentence “It’s win-win for everyone.” He said as his brother squirmed and pushed him away desperately, causing Thor to chuckle.

“Come along, brother.” He sang, a new sense of optimism settling over him since Loki finally decided to talk and was apparently not actively making his job harder. He ‘walked’ along side his brother (dragged and half-carries him) on the quickest and most abandoned route to his little brother’s chambers.

He pushed at the door but it didn’t open so he looked questioningly at Loki. The younger god pushed the door himself and it opened with ease. Thor took in the room he had not dared free foot in since he was so much younger than that day. It hadn’t changed at all, there wasn’t even any dust or spider webs to indicate the time not spent there, no doubt the result of some spell his brother had cast.

This was probably the only place in the entirety of Asgard that Loki had even began to make his own. Books lined the room to the point that the actual dark stone walls were barely visible. A massive collection of assortments were scattered around in an artistic way. The room was filled with a collection of magic and intellectual stimulants and it was probably a sign of all the time he had recently been spending with his friends on Midguard but he couldn’t help but he reminded of the man of Iron’s lair (workshop) which he too, like Loki, holed up in for most of his time.

“Well, I’m sure we can both get changed in this room into our sleep robes, after all we have been through together I think we are beyond childish modesties.” Thor started to get changed, knowing Loki would probably be offended in some way if he were the first to be less than fully clothed. Sure enough, as soon as Thor took his shirt off Loki started to get changed too, hiding himself slightly behind the half open ensuite door and pulling on a simple dark green almost black silk sleep robe.

After taking his own clothes off, Thor realised he didn’t have any sleep clothes in Loki’s room and he didn’t dare ask to borrow any of his brother’s. He was tiptoeing around Loki he would admit, Thor just didn’t want to mess up and upset him or make him withdraw again. So he decided it would be warm enough under the covers for him to wear just his undergarments. He just so happened to be wearing some Midguardian ones which he noted made Loki’s lips twitch with amusement.

“Come now, brother.” He said, lying back on the bed and patting the space next to him “We have much to do on the morrow. Do not worry about time, you just rest I’m sure you need it after what you’ve been through.” Thor quickly looked for any reaction, this was the first proper time mentioning his brother’s imprisonment, but his face was icy and expressionless “I shall wake you since we do have times to meet.”

Loki’s response was to give a small, jerky nod and lie on the bed at the very edge, his back to Thor. Thor looked at his brother’s back with a sense of sadness and longing of better times past. He lay back and closed his eyes, pulling the covers tighter around him against the perpetual biting chill of Loki’s room.  
*******  
Loki’s body was incredibly tense, muscles knotted together, hands fisted and teeth gritted as if bracing himself would help against the pain but of course it wouldn’t, this wasn’t a bully about to throw a punch it was a skin-deep agony that had seeped through his flesh and set into his bones. He couldn’t escape, any attempt to would be like writhing in the water when you were drowning, it was pointless and very unhelpful in doing anything other than exhausting you and thus being consumed quicker.

He would take being drowned over this, actually come to think of it he had been drowning, submerged under boiling water that scalded his flesh as his lungs straitened against his body, simultaneously ready to burst and collapse. He would take that and all the rest of it if his tormentors would give him the mercy of letting the water consume him instead of wrenching him back up a moment before death stole his soul.

Thor’s presence should logically be a relief, something to mark the passage of time and distract him from the pain, but instead it was more of an annoyance, like a mosquito buzzing in his ear and it made the pain feel worse. On top of that, it was exhausting his already drained form keeping up his masking spell. But he could manage it, magic was a part of him and it came to Loki as naturally as breathing. Which was also hard to do at this moment come to think of it.

It was when Thor pointed out his lack of verbal response that Loki became painfully aware that he couldn’t actually talk or make a sound at all. It was a combination of the unbearable pain in his throat, his dehydration and the duration he has been forcedly made mute that he couldn’t talk. For now he could get away with pretending to be indifferent but if he kept on ignoring Thor then he would become suspicious.

When Thor finally got to the point of his visit instead of continuing staring at Loki, he didn’t know what exactly he felt. Relief, he was going to be free of these cells forever! Scepticism, this was a trick nothing good ever happened to him. Even if he didn’t do any crimes he’d be blamed for one and punished accordingly. Disgust, he didn’t deserve this, he deserved the pain. Fear, he had to go to Midguard

Of all of the places in the universe the only ones he would hate to be in more were Jötunheim, Asgard and wherever Thanos was right now. He shivered even thinking the name. Well, at least Midguard was an improvement on Asgard. Here the people hated him for his entire life and being as well as his species, on Midguard they hate him for killing their people. Which was fair enough, he hated him for that too. Well, at least he wasn’t staying with those, what did they call themselves?, Avengers.

It became apparent that Thor was waiting for a response and Loki’s mind spun with what to do. “You are coming to my quarters?” He was rather proud of the choice of question, it included his trademark snark and didn’t launch them into any larger conversation. However, when it came out, or rather he moved his lips and used magic to generate a voice, he could barely hold back a wince. His voice and lips didn’t move at the same time. He studied Thor intently from the corner of his eyes but if he noticed anything he seemed to have brushed it off and continued regardless, to Loki’s relief. He often wished for Thor to be more like himself but sometimes it was a good thing that he was so dull and trusting.

Loki was content on ignoring Thor until he was pulled into a ‘hug’, more like a brutal murder attempt, Thor and his ‘love’ would be the end of him. They were normally bad but with his already broken body this was searing agony. Loki wanted to cry out but he couldn’t make a sound and for that he was grateful, he didn’t think he could take the humiliation that he was hurt so much by a measly hug. He started to push against Thor’s body until he finally let go. Norns it hurt.

It was uncharacteristic of Loki to let Thor carry him but very characteristic of Thor to it notice. It definitely wasn’t because he was exhausted that he let Thor aid him, no, Loki definitely had ulterior motives which were that he was stuck with Thor for the foreseeable future so it would fare him well if he befriended him.

It was with great gratitude that Loki noted Thor took a route to his chambers in which they came across no one. Why? Loki was a traitor and a criminal and everyone should treat him as such but Thor, who above all had reason to despise him, was being kind and even doing things for his comfort. It made Loki feel like weeping thankfully and screaming with rage, why did Thor have to dishonour him so? He could take it, he wasn’t a spoilt child prince little brother that had to be protected. Even if he wishes he was.

They reached his bedroom with much struggle on Loki’s part, he was exhausted and aching not that Thor bothered to notice. And now came the part Loki was dreading, getting changed. His heart ached with the familiarity of watching Thor strip easily and sink into his green sheets like they were an extension of his own like so many times before.

He had ripped this sweet life away. He may have loathed his life on Asgard and his bully’s and tormentors, the way he never fit in, the way he was never good enough and always always always got blamed for everything. But surely that had been better than this? A life of solitude, pain and regret? No, he decided, no it wasn’t better. For once in his life he wasn’t being lied to, for once he wasn’t being sheltered or oppressed. Ha! The freest he’s been was in a cage, beautiful bitter sweet.

Ah yes, getting changed. He did tend to drift off into his mind, lost in thoughts a lot nowadays. It was probably a trait born out of days fading into years in a cell with no interaction or external stimuli save for torture. But getting changed was a problem. He had managed to keep a glamour on his face so Thor wouldn’t see the bruises and blood but his face was one thing his entire body was another. In his broken (he shuddered in indignation but it was true) state Loki didn’t know if he could manage that.

He hid himself behind the door and used a glamour to disguise the parts of his body visible while he got changed as quickly as his body would permit. He emerged from behind the door to see Thor in nothing but Midguardian underwear and half heartedly tried to school his expression against the humour he found in this.

When Thor started talking again, Loki’s heart sank. Gone was the illusion of a normal life and a sense of impending doom settled upon him. Loki just nodded to Thor and curled up on the bed as far away from his not-brother as he could even though he wanted to bury himself in his embrace and beg him to protect him and love him forever but he couldn’t. He could never have that ever again.  
*******  
Loki

A young toddler ran happily to a slightly older boy “Brother, brother look what I can do!” an excited young voice exclaimed as spirals of snow fell from his finger tips. The sight of the bright smile falling from the little face was enough to break the heart of anyone with even a sliver of compassion within their soul but no one so much as grimaced because no one took note of the lack of smile.

Loki...

“Don’t… you like it?” The little voice was hesitant now, afraid even. “No, we don’t, runt. Only women practice magic!”  
“Stay away from us, girly boy, you’re a freak! You’re nothing like us!”  
“He can’t even fight, he just uses tricks and magic.”  
“Snow is magic of the Frost giants, you’re disgusting!”  
“Monster! It’s a monster kill it, let us slay the monster!”  
“We will be heros!”

No!

The voices started as mere taunting children but as they spoke they morphed into older figures, aggressive, blood thirsty and self righteous. Teasing words became maiming and the young boy wasn’t a child anymore as he turned to flee. Thor watched as Loki ran. Why wouldn’t the voices stop? Couldn’t they see they were hurting his little brother?

Brother…

And then Thor realised that his lips were moving too, that he was spouting words that shot at his beloved brother lethally. And the words did shoot at him and he cried out in pain as every word left his tormentors mouths and turned into arrows, shooting after him, piercing his flesh. Loki ran and ran as fast as he could to get away from them.

Don’t, Loki! Stay!

Loki was almost lost on the horizon before Thor could finally control his body to run after him. He ran as fast as he could, he had to make this right. His brother was hurt, he had to help him! He had to get him to a healer but first he would have to catch him, he couldn’t let him get away again. But it was too late! He had come after him too late to save him. Always, always too late to save him.

He found Loki at the edge of the rainbow bridge, looking longingly into the darkness.

No, Loki!

Loki turned to look at him, eyes broken and lost so unlike the young child yet exactly the same eyes. “Too late, Thor, you had your chance for so long and now you are too late to save me. If you were smart like me you could have saved me. I would have saved you. You could save the nine realms why couldn’t you save me? Did I not matter? Did your own brother not matter?”

Thor opened his mouth to counter him but Loki continued “You say you care, too late! Too late and too stupid. Too late to save me from myself, brother, now I am gone.”

Memories flashed disjointedly and Thor couldn’t escape them. A young child crying because the children teased him and he hadn’t a single friend. A boy with cuts and bruises littered over his body because his peers beat him up for being different. A young teen who had given up on trying who ate less, slept less and talked less. A figure hanging onto a staff and looking desperately up at those who should have been there for him but weren’t. Fingers willingly letting go as a body that welcomed the darkness was engulfed by it.

“NO!” Thor was back on the bridge just in time to see that Loki throw himself off the side, whispered words like a breeze “To late to save me, to late to save me, save me, save me. Save me. Save me.” Soon the words were lost in the void and Thor stood alone, knowing that Loki was still saying the same words, begging the same two words. Desperate tears streamed down Thor’s face as self self hatred and desperation burnt within him “LOKI!” He cried, words disappearing into the darkness.

Loki

Loki!

 

“LOKIIII!” Thor screamed into the dawn light tinted bed chamber as his body jerked awake, sweat covered and panting. To his shame Thor found that it wasn’t only within his dream that he had been crying. He quickly wiped his face as he tried to forget the very real images of his dream.

It was extensively harrowing that it had included very real memories mixed amongst horrors born of his mind. He couldn’t wake up and remind himself it wasn’t real because it was. And damn that had looked and felt so real. He could still hear the heart breaking whimpering of the young child Loki…

Wait, he really could still hear it. Thor frowned in concern and puzzlement as he turned to look for the source of the sound. He was considerably surprised to see his little brother curled in on himself, tangled in the blanket as the thrashed and whimpered, in sadness or pain or something else Thor didn’t know, at something Thor could not see. His eyes were screwed tightly shut and his thick eyelashes clumped together with the tears that were streaking down his face. Apparently Thor wasn’t the only one having a nightmare tonight.

Thor never liked seeing his brother hurt but he was especially affected this time after having experienced the distress of a nightmare only moments before. He did not wish that upon his brother, never.

“Loki?” He said in a low voice that wasn’t a whisper but was quieter than the younger probably thought he was capable of “Loki, it’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.” Thor soothed, moving closer to the centre of the bed and gently, so as not to frighten him, pulling Loki there too. “You’re safe in your bed chambers, no one is going to hurt you, I won’t let anyone hurt you. I’m here for you now. I’m here this time and I mean it. I’m so sorry. I’m here brother and everything will be better. You needn’t worry because I’m going to make this all right again. I promise.”

He kissed Loki’s temple softly and brushed away the sticky tears before wrapping his arms around Loki in a close but gentle embrace with his brother protectedly tucked under his chin. Thor smiled softly to himself as he saw Loki had stopped trembling and looked not at peace but neutral at least. He really would make it better, Thor would not rest until he did.

Despite the fact that Loki should and did have a body temperature a lot lower than his own, curled up against his brother Thor no longer felt the chill he did earlier and soon fell into an undisturbed sleep.


	3. Dawn

Unknown to Thor, Loki’s nightmare started where his ended. Loki felt himself falling, falling, falling. The darkness consumed him, it was never ending and it didn’t kill him, he didn’t die. Why? Why wasn’t he dead? Or maybe he was, maybe this was death for those not worthy of anything more. He was so alone, there was nothing there but himself. He couldn’t move, couldn’t see, he couldn’t breath, he was choking and dying, why wasn’t he dead?

Then after what must have been centuries of the painful, torturous nothing he could feel himself slipping from the breakable shell he and those around him had endlessly abused. No… no! He knew what came next. Know it? Hah! He couldn’t forget it if he tried, it was as if it was carved into the inside of his eyelids, forever there when he closed his eyes. It was in everything he saw, every waking moment. The physical torture had long ago ended and yet the pain still burned with a passion, never to leave. He didn’t deserve it to leave but no, Norns no don’t let him go back there!

As Loki’s mind cruelly replayed to him his capture by Thanos and the Other Loki sobbed with his whole being. Why? Why couldn’t he forget it? Why did his own mind hate him so much that it’d bring him back here? Didn’t he deserve sleep? No rest for the wicked… Sleep no more, Macbeth does murder sleep.

A tale of treason, Kings, murder and witchcraft, had the Bard himself written it with him in mind? Of course, him being a despised god of legend, Shakespeare may very well have. Loki didn’t need a play to tell him he couldn’t wash the blood from his hands, maybe he should take a page from the book, or play as it were, and kill himself as Lady Macbeth had… of course that’s as only implied. Hm an implied suicide would fit him well, was he murdered, did he kill himself, was it an accident? No one would know, no one would care.

And yet no matter of contemplating and distracting his mind would deter him from the vivid dream. For that’s what it must be, a dream. A cursed nightmare. He couldn’t really be there again… could he? Panic rose in every inch of Loki’s body as he trashed and cried but he still couldn’t move from the path he was taking, that the Chitauri were taking him. But dreams weren’t this realistic…

As Loki lost himself to panic he felt a familiar rumbling vibrate through his body as a warmth enveloped him. It was strong enough to make the horrors around him falter but not fade. Thor… and now he knew this was a dream. For there was no way his brother was really holding him like he always had, there was no way that damned booming voice was softly soothing him as the strength that was normally used to amplify it instead made it vibrate through his very bones like the pulse in his veins.

No, this simply could not be real life for Thor hated him now. Even if they embraced, even if Thor could stand to touch a bloodstained monster, it wouldn’t feel like this. He wouldn’t be allowed to feel this complete and utter sense of calm, love and protection that only his big brother, on the rare occasions he looked at Loki and saw him instead of looking right past him and continuing with his friends and Loki’s betters.

So yes, this was a dream and that hurt more than anything Thanos could have possibly come up with, for nothing but this could shatter him so completely. Even as his body stilled he cried still, in the centre of his heart he hadn’t known he still had until he felt it break utterly and truly. For now he wanted this to be real, because he would take Thanos’ wrath for his failure and betrayal if only Thor would honestly lovingly hug him goodbye.  
*******  
It was with a begrudging annoyance that Thor finally woke up. It was way too early so he didn’t know why his body had decided to be so cruel as to wake him up before sunrise! He frowned, a memory pulling at his sleep groggy head, sunrise… his eyes widened in panic. Sunrise! They had to be gone by sunrise! He looked out the window and cursed at the sight of the faintest hint of amber on the horizon’s line. They hadn’t much time.

Thor turned to Loki and his heart melted at the sight of his brother looking so peaceful and simply cuddly! He kept his arms wrapped firmly but softly around him, savouring the way that all his senses were overwhelmed by Loki. He didn’t want to wake his brother, this must have been the first proper sleep he’d had ever since before his supposed coronation. But of course there would be hell for both of them if they didn’t leave soon. His brother may be a crazed, mass-murdering psychopath but he looked so much like the small child he had known before that Thor couldn’t possibly let the guards take him.

Thor bit his lip in thought before deciding he could start packing for himself and his brother first before waking him. If he forgot anything then they could retrieve it at one of the occasions they were required to return to Asgard.

Thor rushed around the bedroom and stuffed clothes and personal effects into a bag. Quite honestly he wasn’t looking properly or thinking about what to get, just shoving them into a bag in a manic rush to not be late, for once in his life. After packing way to much to have possibly fit into the little bag, Thor looked down and realised that his brother must have enchanted it. He looked around the room. Just how many things here had hidden magical properties? His brother was truly an impressive sorcerer, how had he not been impressed by it until now?

Thor mustn’t have been as quiet as he’d thought he was because soon Loki stirred, looking around the room with confused, vulnerable eyes that made Thor coo internally. His eyes instantly hardened and his face became cool and Loki’s regular shields were up again. Thor sighed to himself, he would change this. Show his brother that he didn’t need to hide himself despite whatever reason he seemed to think he had.

That list of things Thor had promised himself he would do for Loki was getting longer and longer but Loki deserved that at least. He couldn’t accept that Loki was a heartless murderer until he continued in his dark ways despite having all the love Thor could provide. If he did then he was truly lost. But no. No, his brother wasn’t lost. He just needed love and care and help, then he would stop this madness.

“Good morning, brother.” Thor beamed down at him. Loki blinked and turned his face to bury it in his pillow. Thor chuckled “Time to get up, brother, we must depart as soon as you are dressed.” Loki’s eyes opened again and he looked outside, eyes widening when he saw how late it was, the sun was almost up. He glared at Thor as if to chastise him for letting him sleep in to which Thor chuckled. Really, his brother was the cutest thing. Thor knew, unlike himself, Loki woke up before the first hints of dawn. He’d always been one for solitude. Well, not always…

Thor shook himself. Yes, he got the point. He’d been an awful big brother, Loki was hurt and he was going to fix him. Now it was time to leave before Odin decided to take back the deal. “I must urge you to hasten, brother. I apologise for not waking you. But I did pack your bag so that when you woke we would be able to leave straight away.”

He held out said bag “If I’ve forgotten anything we can retrieve it the next time we return or purchase something in Midguard if that would suit you better.” The look on Loki’s face told Thor exactly what he thought of that idea. Thor held his hands up in surrender “Okay, okay it was but a mere suggestion.” He ruffled Loki’s hair “Now dress yourself, brother, I’m sure we can worry about things such as bathing and breaking fast when we arrive at the tower of Stark.” If Thor didn’t know better he would have thought he saw Loki shiver.  
As Loki clothed himself Thor perched on the end of his bed, trying to calm himself. What had he been thinking? Now Loki was effectively banished to Midguard with the mortals who he had hurt the most. Thor loved his friends and knew them all to be beings of honour and worth however that also meant that they would fight against any force that threatened their world or themselves or proved to be evil in any way. This was usually a comfort and a bonus except for now when it was his own baby brother that had found himself their enemy. Had Thor just arranged Loki’s execution?

He sighed and didn’t allow any of his anxiety to show. Or at least he tried to hide it, his brother always had a way of reading him like an open book no matter what. He smiled at Loki when he saw he was done. His brother was clothed in his black trousers and green under-shirt with a black and green leather coat that boasted minimal buckles. On Midguard it would still be an impressive ensemble but on the scale of Loki’s clothing it was very mild. Perhaps he wanted after all this time to be free of the feeling of being physically restrained, Thor mused, after all those buckles and skin tight heavy leather couldn’t possibly be comfortable.

“Ready to depart?” He asked picking up Loki’s bag, which Loki had protested against but he insisted on carrying it. Loki nodded, his face taking a determined set. He wasn’t very talkative this morning. Maybe it was an after-effect of whatever nightmare he’d had or maybe it was nerves over what was to come, either way Thor thought it best not to aggravate him by pointing it out.

“Then let’s go.” He said, taking Loki’s hand and walking with(/dragging) him.  
*******  
Loki had managed to heal himself considerably in his sleep. The anti-magic affects of the prison and his binds had started to fade and in his sleep he had healed the exterior of his wounds. They all looked fine even if they were still there, he hadn’t got to the proper healing yet just the looks. He’d focused most of his magic on his throat and mouth and was now certain he could speak properly. However, he didn’t want to waist his voice since he would more easier exhaust it than usual.

That was the positive side. The negative was that he had been idiotic enough to lapse control enough to have a nightmare with Thor in the room! Of course he didn’t actually have control over his nightmares but he should, he must. What if Thor had seen? Seen him so weak and pathetic. He would see that his Jötun runt of a ‘brother’ was truly the weakling everyone had claimed him to be. He may have fallen from fortune but he still couldn’t bare humiliation like that, no matter how deserved it was.

He’d had his fair share of punishments in his time, some of them he’d earned, some he’d been framed, none had he forgotten. This particular one had a sense of ingenuousness to it. He would live amongst a species so inferior to him biologically and yet so much better than him. On a world where he was a hated criminal tyrant and murderer. A madman. He was to live with the very people who had defeated him and would be tortured by then both physically and mentally. It also had a definite humiliation element and he would be repaying those he had wronged while they could see for sure that he was getting justice. Yes, a very ingenious plan indeed.

And now came the walk of shame. His time to be laughed at, humiliated and despised while he thought of what he’d done and walked with not an ounce of the dignity, that he had always shrouded himself in as a shield, to protect him. However, to maximise his punishment Thor and Odin should have brought him out during the middle of the day. This was mere dawning, there was hardly a soul around to degrade him, midday the whole town would be there to boo and hiss. But perhaps he wasn’t worth the effort to Odin. No, of course he wasn’t worth the effort. It would be humiliating to the Allfather, bring even more shame to his name than Loki had done already.

Although there was a lack of people, those the pair came across did sneer at him. A couple even three things at him, since it was only the workers up this early he had an assortment of washing water, food remains and rags thrown at him. This stopped, however, when a fuming Thor stood in the way of one person’s aim and ended up with a pig’s innards splattered over his face and long gold hair. The person responsible quickly ducked away too quickly for Thor to identify them, Loki caught it though and chuckled. He would probably have done the same.

Except not at criminals but at those pompous warriors returning from battle so pleased with themselves. Since no one else would punish them for killing countless men and women wherever they’d returned from and calling it a quest that responsibility fell to him. And on many occasions he’d been more than happy to show those engorged idiots a very different part of the animals they loved to eat so much.

So yes, no hard feelings to that lady. After all he was a criminal and a traitor. You were supposed to throw things at them and make their lives as miserable as possible. At least that’s what everyone around him had always done.

The rainbow bridge had always been a fascination to Loki, so had the expanses of blackness that surrounded it. It was so different to Asgard, yet so close. It had been his easy escape. And yet when he had taken it he’d discovered that there were evils in this universe beyond even Odin. Although it was a close shot. He couldn’t help but shiver as he relived the memories of Thor fightings against him. What would happen if he’d fallen off the other side of the bridge? Would he still have been taken by Thanos? Would he have died as he’d intended to? Damn, it would be so easy to just jump of the edge.

Thor seemed to have had the same thought because he took his not-brother in a firm embrace, one arm holding him tightly to his side, his face set in stone as his eyes glistened with anguished emotions. Okay, now it wouldn’t be so easy to jump of the edge. Well, there would be better places to jump off later. Less likely to wind him up in the hands of a powerful space criminal maniac. Although given his luck Loki may very well jump off a tree and still end up with him.

“My princes.” Heimdall greeted. Loki had always been unsettled by the man. He had spent a large portion of his life finding new ways to evade the gaze of the gatekeeper and by extension his father. It wasn’t that he was always up to mischief, although he often was, it’s just that it was rather creepy to have someone watching your every move. He often throve to achieve total solitude. For someone who hated Asgard so much, Loki probably knew more about it than even Odin himself. He just spent a lot of time prodding barriers and going to places he wasn’t supposed to.

He didn’t have anything against Heimdall either, despite what everyone seemed to believe. They were both outsiders, holding gifts that made those around them unsettled and disabled them from having normal lives or families or friends. Power was a bitter-sweet curse and it made Loki laugh coldly when people thought he wanted power. He just damn wanted to find peace. Before he used to sneak food from the dining hall to bring to Heimdall and they would eat together in silence, watching g the starts and the point on the horizon where matter turned to blackness.

And yet it was a difficult thing, his relationship with Heimdall. Especially now. He was a criminal and Heimdall was his father’s faithful servant. Heimdall didn’t know about Thanos, he didn’t know the truth about what happened in New York no one did. No on except the monsters of the darkness. But he did know about everything else. He knew about how Loki was always treated, he knew about the fact he didn’t desire the throne, he knew how Loki loathed himself and how he didn’t damn cut Sif’s hair for Norn’s sake. It made the darkness a little more bearable to know that someone knew. Maybe just one person, maybe not the whole truth. But someone knew.

“Good to see you, friend Heimdall.” Thor’s optimistic voice boomed. Loki let the sound waves wash through him and assure him that everything was going to be okay. He was deluding himself, of course, but he still had the right to hopes and dreams, even if they would only make reality more painful. Loki and Heimdall exchanged nods. Those eyes still unsettled him as they traveled momentarily over Loki. No matter his opinion of the man it was still very unsettling to be face to face to someone who watched all you did.

“We wish to travel to Midguard. I’m sure you are aware of the situation.” Thor explained and Heimdall nodded in response “I am.” His eyes moved back onto Loki “Good luck my princes.” He said although Loki got the feeling it was mostly directed to him. Was that approval in his almost nonexistent expression? Approval that he was going to Midguard? Loki didn’t know quite how to feel about that. Did he approve because he thought it would be effective in his rehabilitation or because he thought it’d be apt in punishing him?

Loki followed Thor as they awaited the familiar sensation of traveling via the rainbow bridge.


End file.
